Setting a Boundary
Not applicable
Firm
Setting a boundary with a family member
A relative keeps crossing a line and the usual hints are not working.
Strategy
State the boundary and the consequence in the same breath, warmly. A boundary without a consequence is a request, and it will be ignored again.
I love you and I want to keep coming over. So I need to say something clearly. When my parenting gets commented on in front of the kids, it undercuts me with them. Going forward, if it comes up in front of them, we are going to head home early. Not as punishment — that is just what I am going to do.
If they push back
If they say you are being dramatic: "You may see it that way. This is still where I am. I would much rather be there for the whole afternoon."
What not to say
- You always undermine me
- You have been doing this my whole life
- I guess we just will not come
- Everyone in this family is the same
Follow-up
Really glad we got to talk. Sunday still works on our end — the kids are looking forward to it.